I am not sure about you, but I am not new to the concept of seeking validation from others. I’ve been doing it my whole life! And man has it made a world of a difference to start drifting away from that notion and taking control of my own life for once. A very difficult but otherwise rewarding one.
As I wrote before in a previous post, I have a deep rooted anxious attachment style, which has lead me to always go looking for the answers to my questions in life outside of myself. This morning I read an email sent from “The Universe” saying: “Mabelyn, you’re the only person who knows what’s right for you. The only one.”
This quote prompted me to go into a tail spin of thoughts about my recent decision to stop seeking validation from others; their approval, their consent and everything else in between.
After two decades of wanting other people to tell me what to do with my life I am done. Not only has this prolonged my sufferings in every situation that I looked outside of myself, but every time that I ignored my own wisdom and intuition, regardless of me knowing the answer deep inside me, my higher self has deteriorated. Now when I try to make decisions, I am so lost and confused by all the different voices in my head that I don’t know who to believe, which one has my best interest, and whether any of those are my intuition. I cannot distinguish my own beliefs from those that I may have picked up from someone else along the way. I am constantly second guessing myself and my choices, and I am always thinking something is too good to be true when a decision I made works out. It has lead me to force my unwanted opinions on those closest to me-creating detrimental co-dependent relationships. Plain and simple; I’ve been self-sabotaging my own life.
I’ve come to realize that seeking validation from others means giving up my power. It means I’m putting my life on hold until someone tells me it is ok to do this or not do that. It means that I am living other people’s lives and constantly comparing myself to them. It means I will easily and willingly always mold myself into becoming a person I don’t want to be. It means that my success, happiness, self-love and self-worth will always be dependent on external circumstances and will never be concrete. It means that I don’t believe that I am good enough, wise enough, or smart enough to make decisions about my own damn life.
I truly believe that you can only love, serve, and give to others to the degree that you do so for yourself. With wanting to create a business that truly helps and empowers others, I need to first start with me.
I am a goddess and so are you. I am intelligent and so are you. I am in control of my own life and my own destiny, and so are you! I am done giving away my power. I am done waiting around to be my best self, live my best life and show up fully in this world as the greatest version of me! I love myself and I deserve this and everything else I want to accomplish in my life, and so do you.
The next time you are on the brink of seeking validation from others remember the quote; “only you know what is right for you.”