Letting go is not easy. Often it is the people or situations that we need to release the most that we are clinging to for dear life.
I am in the middle of this process myself. After doing plenty of inner work I’ve realized that my lack of self-love and self-worth has led me to desperately hold onto what has long passed its expiration date for the sake of having someone and feeling something versus being alone and having “nothing.”
What we don’t realize is that we are doing everyone a disservice. We have such a tight grasp due to our subconscious and deeply rooted beliefs about ourselves, and in doing so we are telling the Universe that this what we deserve. We are telling the Divine that we want more of the drama, more of the suffering and more of a low-quality life, continuing the cycle. Then we play the victim and blame everyone around us for our misfortunes, when in reality, the only way out is to take full responsibility for ourselves and for the state we are in that is manifesting these types of circumstances.
After years of toxic friendships, I have grown to realize that the way I was thinking and behaving was causing me to attract these people into my life. Because I feared feeling lonely, I held onto these people for years. By constantly telling myself that all women were the same and I could only be friends with males caused me to get just that- no solid group of female friends, something my soul deeply craved. I never felt safe to open up and be vulnerable enough to take off my mask and reveal my true self. This lead to surface level connections because I thought I had to compete and compare myself to others. By picking up other people’s baggage and beliefs about friends being catty and untrustworthy I too became engulfed by drama and betrayal. By not believing in myself, I became friends with people who also felt hopeless, settled in life and didn’t think it was possible to accomplish their dream goals. I believe that we are the average of the 5 people we surround ourselves with, and I now choose to only be surrounded by loving, inspiring, goal getters who are beautiful inside and out. My authentic tribe.
It wasn’t until I decided to take my life into my own hands and rewire my beliefs that I was able to start attracting wonderful female friends, rekindle and heal old friendships and meet like-minded soul sisters. I’ve learned that I get what I put out into this world and if I behave one way towards others than I will also receive the same treatment. I am slowly learning to live in a state of love and give that to my friends as opposed to the hurt and pain from before. The last piece of the puzzle for me is to learn how to gracefully release those relationships that I no longer need in my life. I am working on having gratitude for the relationship and everything that it taught me, forgiving myself and the other person and letting go, sending them off with all the love and happiness that we all deserve.
May they be happy, may they be safe, may they be healthy, may they feel love, may they see light, may they heal and be at peace.