Stuck in the mud

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Regardless of whether you are in a relationship, a work or creative rut, the feeling sucks. Just the way your mind, body and soul feels all clogged up is enough to send you screaming through the streets! The reality is that ruts happen to all of us from time to time, but only we have the power to light the fire under our asses that will release ourselves from our low and congested feelings of suckiness.

Create an inventory of your life.

Make a note of your relationships, careers, physical, mental and emotional health, what you ingest (food, thoughts, energies, products), spirituality, play and joy and rate them on a scale of 1-10. By creating an inventory, you're able to take a step back so you can get a dose of reality paired with the perspective you need in order to know which areas of your life need improvement. Once you've done this you can begin to make moves!

Master your mind.

I believe that when you work on creating an amazing inner world that the external will have no choice but to follow in suit. Taking the initiative to reboot the inner workings of your mind is one of the most beneficial ways to jump start your engine so you can drive away from your rut at full speed. By no means is this an easy task. It requires self awareness, dedication, self discipline and holding yourself accountable around the clock. It involves going deep within yourself to unearth your hidden and deeply rooted beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of and making the shift to replace any negative and self sabotaging ones with bad ass ones. Doing so will allow you to see where your impulsive behaviors and patterns stem from so you can heal it at the root and plant something beautiful in its place.

Live in the present moment.

Release your depressive thoughts about the past and anxious thoughts about the fear of the future. All we have is this moment that we are in right now. We cannot time travel back and forth- we can only make peace with our past and dream and make plans for the future. This is something you can practice now, but let it be known that spending too much time in either will only make you miss all the opportunities that are right in front of you. Being in a rut stinks, no doubt about it, but reminding yourself to accept and face what is happening and living in the moment is what will allow you to break through versus whining and mopping about what you should've, could've and would've done or trying to skip over it all with escape mechanisms.

Create a workbook for your self development.

It's one thing to read and listen to empowering people, but actually applying it to your life is what will make the difference. Treat yourself (or make) an awesome journal so you can take notes, write down the passages that jump out at you, answer any questions you see in the book and create a dialogue with your thoughts and inner self about what you are reading. Then, by reviewing these you can come up with examples of how to implement what you've learned into your life. As a bonus, you'll now have this information as a future reference if another unsolicited rut comes knocking on your door. Byeeee!

Keep a joy and gratitude journal.

I'm sure you've heard the cliche quote; something along the lines of "what makes you think you deserve more if you can't appreciate what you already have." While the terms joy and gratitude may be overused by everyone and their great grandma, they have a valid point. The only way you will feel content with your present situation is by practicing gratitude and having appreciation for all that you have accomplished, the lessons you've been taught by your master obstacles and, the people in your life. All you have to do is write down 3 things you are grateful for each morning when you wake up and before you go to bed. It can be anything; today was sunny, I was able to purchase gas, someone treated me to a coffee etc. The point is to get your mind to focus on what is going right in your life instead of what is going "wrong." This activity will also help you to feel the blessings to come when you look back and see how the obstacles that once pained you are now your greatest gifts. You can also make a list of when you felt joyful throughout the day, or things that make you feel that way. The more you put this into practice, the more you will literally feel the gratitude and loving energy eminating from within. Not to mention, your abundance will get a kick in the rear as you are opening your heart up to receive more. No matter what happens in the middle, you will be starting and ending your day on a good note. "Not every day is good, but there is good in every day."

Change your surroundings

Interpret this as you wish. It can be that you donate half of your unworn wardrobe that doesn't make you feel like a bad ass Goddess/God, you can rearrange your living space, take a new route to work for the sake of the beautiful scenery, go on a vacation, or do your work at a new cafe instead of at home where it often leads to couch surfing and binge watching TV. By making even the smallest shift in your environment you are creating a ripple effect of necessary and effective change that will get you feeling juicy again.

Keep these tips in your mental toolbox so you can take action in the future and nip a rut in the butt before it spirals out of control. Please leave any other ideas in the comments below! I wish you a happy rebooting!

Love always,

Mabes

losing yourself in love

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How do you not lose yourself in love? Simple, always put yourself first. You can only show up in the world as your greatest self if you're making yourself your number one priority.

We often are told and then grow to believe that being in love means we need to be selfless, or that we are merging our "half" with someone else to create a "whole."

This couldn't be further from the truth! By focusing on our partner all the time and pushing our own happiness to the side we are doing everyone a disservice, including our partner and especially ourselves.

From my experience, when I've put all my attention on my lover it inevitably leads me into dangerous codependent territory. I begin to try to control the other person and what they do and what happens to them. I also become more impatient and resentful, oblivious to the fact that the reason I am turning into a red eyed monster is because I have completely let myself fall apart. As my mental and emotional health begins to crumble I neglect the hobbies that once filled me up as well as spending time with the other people in my life.

What I've incorporated into my life as part of my self- care practice has allowed me to fill myself up first and then spend my time with my loved one feeling open, affectionate, and able to be happy and present together.

I have a list of activities that I enjoy and I make sure to do at least one of them on a weekly basis. By having solo dates to do something I love, I am reminding myself that I come first.

I also have a morning routine that is very grounding. This time in the morning is very sacred to me and is one of my non-negotiables that I have created a strict boundary around and my partner honors and supports this fully.

Taking care of all my relationships and making it an important part of my well being reminds me that I can't get everything from one person. While my partner is my soulmate, lover and best friend, I do know that I have other friendships that support me in different ways. I honor this time with others and I have so much gratitude for our time whether I'm doing art, having girl talk, a sleepover, brunch, exercising or crying on a girlfriend's shoulder.

Spending time apart from each other gives you the opportunity to miss one another and have something to talk about when you do reconnect. It serves as a way to let each other know that you had a full life before you were together and you will continue that as the years come and go.

My last tip is to have honest and open communication. Whether you're the one telling your partner you need some space and alone time to reboot or they are telling you that you are behaving clingy or have become more irritable, by talking it out, you are both holding one another accountable and responsible for your own wellbeing. The fact of the matter is that we are the only ones who are responsible for ourselves and for feeling loved, happy and whole- and by putting that expectation in the hands of another we are the only ones to blame when they fail to accomplish that. Unless you want to see yourself and your relationship deteriorate than I would advise against that!

Cheers to us filling up our own cups first!

Love always,

Mabes